Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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