Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
