When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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