imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
