I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
