My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
