the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
