porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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