meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
