i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
