he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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