If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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