i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
