I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
