I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
