White coat. Heels.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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