I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
