Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
