thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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