I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
