you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
