You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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