glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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