Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
