Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
