the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
