It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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