dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
