By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
