i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
