that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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