I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
