The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
