he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
