is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
