chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wear drunk well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
