ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I came so hard my ears popped.
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