Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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