he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Panties = found
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
