You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
