think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
