He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
