Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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