she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
