I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
