And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
