Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
