you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
