The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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