she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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