I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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