I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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