final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
