i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
