Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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