All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
