I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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