imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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